


all i want - tommy and tubbo angst

by smpstory



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depression, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Lore (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, L'Manberg | L'Manburg on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), M/M, Manipulation, Minecraft, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smpstory/pseuds/smpstory
Summary: Tommy began to struggle ever since he got exiled and thrown away by his so called ‘best friend’.Read both sides too see how each character is coping with the loss of eachother.———This was originally posted on my wattpad @smpstory. The grammar is really bad in the first two or three chapters but i cant be asked to rewrite it.Please don’t be mean and only give constructive criticism:]
Kudos: 5





	1. exile.

Tommy sprinted through the SMP desperately trying to find Tubbo. He needed to talk to him, he needed to see him, for all he knew it could be his last time and he didn't want to miss the last opportunity he had. He ran past l'manburg, through the community house, past his house, but he was unable to find him.

He was overwhelmed and started to panic.

He was gradually losing his breath. His head went dizzy; had to sit down for a brief second. He was sweating and his legs were trembling. Tommy placed his hands on his head, his fists tightly grabbed onto his hair in frustration. He needed to let out a scream but couldn't find the confidence to do so. Thoughts and emotions danced around him to the point he felt like he was dying.

He wasn't ready for this. Tommy's fate lied in Tubbos hands. Both of them had been through so much together, Tommy sobbed at the thought of it all being taken away. All the years spent by each-others side, all the arguments, all the laughs... It would've all been for nothing. 

"Tommy?" it was Tubbo. Tommy's head jolted up and his eyes stared towards Tubbo. His eyes were a dark red, the reality that he had been crying was obvious to anyone who would come across him. Tubbo noticed the bags which rested under Tommy's eyes due to the sleepless nights he endured. Tubbo saw the fear and pain Tommy felt. Tubbo walked up to him and clutched onto him, even though he knew how much Tommy despised hugs. 

Tommy pulled away from Tubbo and chuckled.  
"Everything's going to be okay Tommy," Tubbo reassured. "You're my best friend, nothing bad is going to happen to you". He whispered as he gently sat beside Tommy. 

"I'm so sorry I've put you through this" Tubbo let out, confidently holding back his tears. The pitch change in Tubbos voice notified Tommy how desperately he wanted to cry. 

Usually, it was Tommy who stopped Tubbo from crying but today was different.  
"If you ever tell anyone about me crying I will murder you," Tommy told him, wiping his nose. They both giggled at each other for the last time. 

"Tommy I've got to go and meet dream," explained Tubbo. Tommy's nerves struck in again but he attempted to push them aside. "I understand man, " he said. Tommy could tell how badly Tubbo wished to hug him, and how badly he wanted to hug him back, but it wasn't the right moment.  
"No matter what happens you're my best friend okay?" Tubbo said. Tommy nodded in understatement and waved as Tubbo walked towards l'manburg to go join dream. 

After a couple of minutes of sitting there thinking, it was time. Tommy got up and started walking. He could hear Quackity and Fundy but preferred to avoid them. The more closer he got to l'manburg, the more unsure he got. 

Tommy's hands shivered and the uncertainty settled in. He didn't know what was about to occur, but he trusted Tubbo. Tubbo was his bestfriend, and although he had an awful feeling in his gut, he honestly believed everything would turn out okay.

Tubbo was stood with Dream among the broad obsidian walls which surrounded l'manberg. Tommy glanced at Tubbo and their eyes met. Tubbos eyes displayed a great bundle of distress which Tommy couldn't bear to see.

Overlooking his nation, Tubbo declared the words Tommy didn't wish to hear.  
"Tommy.." Tubbo proceeds, his voice beginning to crack. "I am so, so sorry". Tommy listens to the misery in his voice whilst struggling to hold himself together. Tubbo turned to Dream.  
"I know what is best for this nation," he says reluctantly. "For Tommy to be.. exiled". 

Tommy's heart sank and broke into a million pieces. His eyes widened and began to tear up. His knees collapsed and he fell to the ground. His shaky hands blanketed his face whilst his tears poured. 

That was his best friend. His one and only. The impression he felt before had now become a reality. The reassurance Tubbo provided was all a lie. He knew what he was doing, he fooled Tommy. All for his stupid country. 

"Dream. please escort Tommy out of my country" Tubbo declared. Tubbo refused to look at Tommy in this state. He knew deep inside he didn't want him exiled.  
"T-tubbo?" Tommy said, mumbling through his tears, but Tubbo avoided him. 

Tommy was forced up by Dream, who had threatened to kill him if he didn't obey. After being dragged along for a while, Tommy reluctantly got up and walked on his own. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave Tubbo. 

but he had no choice. 

After travelling for hours with Dream, Tommy was finally dropped off at an island. It was isolated and untouched. The atmosphere was miserable and dull. Soon enough, it started chucking it down, making Tommys fluffy hair wet. Dream had put together a tent for him to sleep in, protecting Tommy from the rain. Tommy led there in silence, his eyes closed and his ears blocking out the disturbances coming out from around him. 

"Alright Tommy, I'm gonna go, " Dream mumbled to him realizing that he wasn't entirely listening. But Tommy didn't have the strength to listen, nor move, nor speak. Tommy curled into a ball and sobbed into his knees. 

Tommy cried himself to sleep that night. He was unaccompanied and he missed his best friend. He had gotten it all wrong. If he had just spoken or listened to Tubbo things might've been different.

Back at l'manburg, Tubbo was sat alone. He didn't wish to communicate with anyone, specifically Dream. Dream had harmed everything; friendships, lives, families. Everything that got damaged was dreams fault.

He had his head in his hands. There were bursts of tears that fell down his face now and again. He squinted his eyes together attempting to ignore the memories of Tommy, but every time he thought about him he broke down. Tubbo struggled to hold back the tears. He felt so ashamed, so unloyal. 

Tommy wasn't the only one who cried himself to sleep that night.


	2. your Tommy.

Tubbo stayed in bed for ages after waking up the next morning. He huddled himself in his duvet ignoring the world. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He didn't even have the energy to get up. 

Tubbo felt the soft vibrations of his stomach angrily grumbling at him. He hadn't eaten for an entire 24hours. He was starving. No matter how much Tubbo wanted to stay in bed, he reluctantly rose and got up. 

His body shivered as his bare feet touched his cold bedroom floor. As he stretched his arms he felt the satisfying force through the backbone of his body. 

When Tubbo rubbed his eyes his face felt warm and sweaty. The quantity of tears Tubbo cried that night were uncountable. 

Tubbo slowly walked over to his mirror, his bare feet sticking to his cold floorboards as he walked. 

Looking into the mirror he scruffed his hair around and lifted it out of his eyes. The bags that rested underneath his eyes were big enough to consume the ocean. The itchiness of his eyes turned them bloodshot and puffy. 

Taking his eyes away from his mirror he looked over at his desk. On the desk were scattered images of him and Tommy. He picked one up and gazed at it. 

He was looking at photos the night before Tommy's exile. He had spent the entire night unravelling what to do, he understood now he had made the wrong outcome. Tubbos eyes started tearing up. Before he could break down again he placed the photo back on the desk and headed downstairs. 

Downstairs sat Ghostbur. 

Wilbur, Tubbos late friend, had died a couple of weeks prior. Resulting in his ghost, which they all collectively decided on the name ‘Ghostbur’. 

Ghostbur had a heartwarming and gentle soul. He was kind to everyone no matter how rude they were to him. He forgave people effortlessly and saw the best in everyone. 

Ghostbur would often carry bundles of blue dye and pass them out. He believed these sacks of blue dye allowed people to fill their irritation and sadness up with them. 

The people he knew didn't believe in it, but respected Ghostburs wishes. In the end, it made him feel better, and that's all anyone wanted. 

Ghostbur smiled at Tubbo, causing Tubbo to smile back.  
“Ghostbur, what are you doing here?” Tubbo asked him. It took a while for Ghostbur to answer, he wasn't very good with words and confused himself with them.  
“Nothing much” He replied, his voice sounded happy.

"Well would you like anything?" Tubbo asked him. Ghostbur politely shook his head and reached into his backpack.  
“What you got there” Tubbo chuckled as he reached into his food cupboard. 

Ghostbur brung out a shiny, heavy-looking compass. Tubbo immediately retracted from the food and walked over to him, to see what the mysterious item was.

As he handed it to Tubbo he had a heavy grin on his face that he tried his best to restrain. Tubbo held on to the compass and looked at Ghostbur confused. Before Ghostbur could speak Tubbo turned the compass around. On the back of the compass was a sticker labeled:

Your Tommy.

"It's a compass that points you in the direction of Tommy at all times" Ghostbur states proudly. 

Tubbo’s mind went blank. Tommy?

Tubbo looks up at him attempting not to cry.  
"Ghostbur I-" Tubbo was at a loss for words. He could now go visit whenever he needed. He directly had access to Tommy at all times. 

He was so appreciative that he couldn't delay his tears for any longer. He broke down.  
"Thank you so much" He says in between his sobs. Ghostbur wraps his arms around Tubbo and pats his back. 

After a couple of moments of Tubbo crying into Ghostburs shoulder, he pulls himself away. 

“Ive got to go Tubbo” Ghostbur said whilst rapidly rushing around Tubbo’s kitchen.  
“Really? All ready?” Tubbo replied to him, shocked by the short amount of time he spent with him. 

Ghostbur picked up his backpack and waved goodbye too Tubbo without saying another word. 

There was no need for words. Everything that needed to be said had been said. Ghostbur shut the door behind him as Tubbo whispered goodbye under his breath. 

Tubbo wasn't hungry anymore, so he decided to go back upstairs to bed. When he opened his bedroom door he caught a glimpse of the photos on his desk. 

He tried his best not to go over to them. He didn't need to be reminded of the pain and stress he put onto Tommy. But Tubbo couldn't help himself, and he picked one up. 

The photo showed him and Tommy at the beach. Tommy had an enormous smile on his face. He was so happy. Tubbo had destroyed that happiness. Instead, he made Tommy miserable and unsafe with no explanation or purpose. 

The best friend he once had, was gone.

Out of frustration, Tubbo threw the stack of images across his bedroom floor. He was so angry at himself. He had ruined everything. 

By putting his county first he lost his best friend. Tommy should've come first like he always had done. 

Tubbo stared at the chaos on his floor. He had no energy to clean it. Instead, he threw himself onto his bed and covered himself in his duvet. 

As he laid down he breathed in one more time. Before submerging into the ocean of thoughts that drowned him, until he wished he had never thought at all. 

He reached into his pocket and pulled the compass out. He gazed at the big red arrow which pointed forward. 

Tommy.

Tubbo clenched the compass close to his chest, closed his eyes and whispered to it.  
"I miss you so much Tommy, more than you even know"


	3. your Tubbo.

Tommy woke up to the noise of downpour patting the roof of his tent. He snuggled himself into his sleeping bag trying his best to maintain his warmth. 

He tried his best to fall back to sleep but it was no use. He couldn't get Tubbo, L'manburg and Dream off his mind. 

His own best friend had betrayed him and there was nothing he could do. He could go back home, however he knew deep down that was not a sensible choice. 

Did he do something to upset Tubbo? There was no explanation for his exile. Tubbo had put his country before him. Tommy's heart twisted at the thought of it. Tubbo didn't care about Tommy anymore. Nobody did. 

Tommy led there, the cold air slowly seeping through the holes in his sleeping bag. He covered his face into his pillow, pulling his mind away from Tubbo. 

After five minutes Tommy heard the sound of twigs snapping. He perched up, sceptical of his surroundings.  
"Tommy?" Said a familiar voice. "Are you awake?" Tommy peeked outside his tent to notice Dream standing there. 

Tommy's eyes gradually adjusted to the sharp light as he rubbed them. He deliberately unzipped the tent slowly, wishing to avoid Dream.

Dream was holding out a loaf of bread.  
"For your breakfast," He said smugly. Tommy scoffed.  
"I don't want your pity bread" he answered.  
"Suit yourself Tommy" Dream replied, putting the bread into Tommy's backpack which was sat beside him.

Tommy looked up at Dream. Dream could grasp the resentment Tommy felt towards him but he chose to ignore it. 

"What are you doing here Dream?" Tommy asked, hinting for him to leave. Dream chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Somebody needed to see you". 

Before Tommy could ask any questions, a friendly face peeked out from behind a tree. He recognised the yellow sweater, the brown fluffy hair and the blue dye the man was carrying. Ghostbur. 

Dream walked over to the tree Ghostbur hid behind and hauled him over to Tommy. 

"What do you want man," Tommy asked nicely. Ghostbur was Tommy's friend, and he didn't wish to harm that connection as well. 

"I have something for you, and I think you'll like it" Ghostbur answered back smiling. Tommy glanced at him impatiently, waiting to see what he had brung. 

Ghostbur firstly handed Tommy some blue, then he reached down into his backpack. 

"I was thinking” Ghostbur said, creating tension. “what does Tommy like, his favourite thing in the whole wide world" Ghostbur announced. "Is tubbo!".

He brought out a shiny, heavy-looking compass and handed it to Tommy. 

Tommy took ahold of the compass and gaped at the large red arrow guiding forwards.  
"What does it do exactly?" Tommy asked whilst stupidly shaking the compass. 

"It points in the direction of Tubbo at all times" Ghostbur clarified. "..so no matter where you are in the world, you will always have Tubbo." 

Tommy stared down at the compass. The large red arrow now meant so much more. It pointed to Tubbo. His Tubbo.  
"Tommy... Turn it around" 

Tommy turned around the compass to read a sticker which was labelled. 

Your Tubbo.

“I gave a similar one to Tubbo earlier this morning” Ghostbur told him. “But instead his points to you, ” 

Tommy clutched onto the compass. He didn't have the guts to lay it down. He needed it by his side.

Tommy looked up at Ghostbur and gifted him a smile. "Thankyou man" he said, his voice beginning to crack. Ghostbur returned the gratefulness with a slight nod and a delicate smile. 

Tommy sat there in silence. Munching on the 'pity bread' Dream had gifted to him earlier on. Dream began to laugh at the way Tommy ate. "Oi, dickhead" Tommy mumbled to him in-between his mouthfuls. 

After a couple of hours of chatting to Ghostbur and Dream, it was time for them to take off. Tommy waved to them as they faded away amongst the trees. 

He sighed to himself. The only arrangement of communication he had was gone. Tommy was all alone. 

After staring into the abyss for a moment, he brought the compass out of his pocket and glanced at the red arrow. It indicated forward. All he had to do was walk... but he couldn't. Bad things would happen if he did and he had already done enough damage. 

Tommy climbed into his tent and zipped it up behind him. He led down on his sleeping bag, the compass clutched close to him. 

Tommy never remembered falling asleep that night, yet he knew the last thing on his mind was Tubbo and the compass. The two things which Tommy cherished the most.


	4. dream?

Tommy woke up to the greeting of a cold breeze drifting around his tent. He huddled in his sleeping bag, he was so desperate to attain the warmth surrounding him. The feeling of warmth was so gentle compared to the sharpness of the cold. 

Tommy peeked out the zipper of his tent. Although the sun was disguised by a sheet of grey clouds, Tommy could tell it was only just beginning to rise. 

Exile was the worst thing to happen to Tommy at this moment. He couldn't handle it. From staying up all night, too not eating properly for days at a time. Nothing else was important to him, apart from Tubbo. 

Tommy wasn't one to deal with his emotions well. He often avoided them or handled them poorly. In this case, he avoided them. 

With everything that had happened recently, Tommy thought it'd be best to push his emotions aside. His feelings mattered to nobody else, so why should they matter to him. 

Tommy realized he was starting to fall into a panic attack. He didn't get them often, but when he did he handled them incorrectly and wouldn't know how to react. 

His thoughts were all over the place and his mental state wasn't where he hoped it to be. He despised the feeling of betrayal and loneliness. It ate him up inside. It made him feel sick. 

His breathing pattern was now muddled up and out of sync, he was shivering and whimpering. 

Tommy squinted his eyes, forcing his tears to slowly fall through them. His hands were tightly fisted with his fingernails carving sharply into his palms. He hated this. 

Trapped in his mind Tommy didn't hear Dream come upon his tent.  
"Tommy?" Dream said. "Tommy are you okay in there what's happening?"  
Dream heard Tommys gasps for air and unzipped the tent himself. Dream automatically knew what was happening and rushed to comfort Tommy.

-

Dream was aware of Tommy's panic attacks. He had been in this situation before. 

When Tommy was young he would frequently play hide and seek with Tubbo. They were only small so they were able to hide in tiny spaces effortlessly. 

Tommy once got stuck in a small, hidden space. When he realised he was stuck, his anxiety started to rise and he began to panic. Due to all the crying Tommy had no strength to shout for help.

Tommy was trapped in that space for hours. He assumed nobody was looking for him, and he was stuck there permanently. 

Dream had heard Tommys soft cries from walking past. Once he discovered young Tommy trapped in a thin opening, Dream pulled him out. 

When Tommy finally got out, he was extremely pale. As if all the life was drained out of him. 

Even at a young age, Tommy despised hugs. Dream did as well. But when Dream barely hugged him it brought Tommy back. Leaving him feeling better than before. 

-

"Hey. Tommy, your okay, your okay," Dream sat beside him, his arm around Tommy's shoulder attempting to calm him down. Tommy looked up at dream; tears streaming down his face. 

Tommy attempted to hide his tears from Dream. He hated people watching him cry, crying wasn't like him. Tubbo was the only one who he tolerated to see him cry. But it was no use, Dream had already seen and it would be foolish to try and hide it now. 

He hated it when he would break down, it didn't make him feel like a "big man" as Tubbo used to call him. It made him feel like a baby. 

Once Tommy gained stability Dream slowly got up and escorted himself out of Tommy's tent, allowing him to gain some fresh air.  
"Listen, Tommy, you've got to stop doing that to yourself," Dream explained. Tommy looked up at him, sort of embarrassed. 

"I don't mean to do it. If I could stop it I would," Tommy said back, the anger in his voice was strikingly obvious. Dream giggled it off.

"Tell you what," Dream said catching Tommy's attention. "I'll stay here with you until you're stable enough to be on your own." Tommy looked up at him disgusted.  
"I don't need a babysitter Dream, I'm fine," Tommy replied, offended by the offer.  
Dream shrugged. "Suit yourself, that's fine by me". 

Although Tommy hated the thought of being with Dream, he sat and thought about it for a moment. Perhaps it wasn't such a terrible idea. He was desperate for company, and Dream wasn't that bad. 

"...wait," Tommy said, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "I guess you could stay," He mumbled trying not to show his desperation. 

Dream nodded and set down his backpack to assemble another tent. 

After hours of communicating, it proceeded to get dark again. The stars revealed themselves and crickets chirped in the bushes. 

Tommy would frequently swear and yell at the crickets for constantly bothering him. Dream did not know about this trait until he previously went to find firewood and he heard Tommy in the distance scream "oh FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CRICKETS". It made dream laugh. 

Tommy was led on the grass gazing at the stars with his compass in his hand. Today had been decent, better than most days at least. 

He preferred it when Dream was around, he thought of him as a friend. And although Dream was a bit of a dick, he was good company.

"Hey, dream?" Tommy asked. Dream looked at him to indicate his concern. "Why has nobody came to visit me?" By nobody, he meant Tubbo but felt it was better to include everyone in the question. 

Dream was taken back by the question and fell silent for a moment. "I don't know Tommy, " he said. His voice was soft, it was reassuring to Tommy.

"Okay then..." Tommy began "When you go home tonight, can you bring them back with you... Tomorrow?" He asked. "Maybe we can have some sort of party". 

Tommy predicted a flat out no but was surprised by the outcome.  
Dream smiled at him and nodded. "Sure I don't see why not"

The fact that Dream had agreed filled Tommy up with nothing but hope. He was finally going to see his friends again.


	5. mind games.

Dream and Tommy talked all night. Cracking jokes and saying stupid things. It got to the point where Tommy was laughing at himself because Dream got so fed up. 

"You're not funny Tommy" Dream said jokingly.  
"Shut up you dick, I'm funnier than you'll ever be" Tommy replied, clearly offended.  
"Yeah right, id like to see you try" Dream snickered, knowing full well he was winding Tommy up. 

When the night finally started to get cold, Dream thought it'd be best if he left: leaving Tommy some time to set up for the party. 

By the time Dream had taken off, there wasn't long till dawn. Provoking Tommy to rush around trying his best to make everything look flawless. 

After hours of scrambling around, Tommy finally settled down. He overlooked the sea before him to see the daylight gradually rising. He hadn't slept and he was, quite frankly, scared too. 

The feeling of him missing out on his friends due to him sleeping upset him, so he attempted to stay wakeful. 

Whilst staring at the ocean Tommy realised how silent it was and how solitary he was. No talking, no laughing. Only the sound of the birds and the ocean tides in the distance were there to keep him company. He had nobody, except for Dream. 

Dream was the only one who would frequently come to visit him. Although Dream was the cause of his exile, Tommy had found a way to push the hatred aside. He could use a friend at this moment in time, and he appreciated his company. 

-

Tommy woke up to shivers running down his back. The air had turned cold, it was darker than usual. He reluctantly rubbed the sand out of his eyes and stretched out his arms. Looking around recovering his conscious he thought back to what was happening.  
"Fuck, " He muttered to himself. "I fucking fell asleep." 

He instantly sat up, covered in sand. He bent down to flick off the grit stuck to his trousers. Tommy immediately went to hurry to his tent but noticed Dream sat by the fireplace, conflicting sticks together, attempting to start a fire. 

"Dream?" Tommy said concerned. Dream turned around eagerly, frightened by Tommy being so up close to him.  
"Tommy, you're finally awake," He replied. "About time too,". 

The sound in his voice was unsettling, but Tommy had chosen to ignore it. 

Tommy had heard that tone in Dreams voice before. It was frequent when Dream was tired or irritated. Yet he didn't seem tired, and he had nothing to be angry about. 

"Yeah..." Tommy proceeded, "where is everyone Dream? You said you'd bring them, " He said, anger hidden in his voice. 

Dream glanced at him. His face was emotionless. It was a scary presence and Tommy despised it. He hoped to ease himself down, he didn't want to irritate the only friend he had left. 

"They didn't want to come, Tommy, " He said, the tone in his voice made Tommy's heart plunge into his stomach. 

He had never heard him speak like this before. It was so happy yet so dark and threatening. When Dream spoke it made Tommy feel like he was imprisoned in a room, a room where only Dream was in control. 

"What?" Tommy replied. His eyes were opened wide, he resisted the fact he was rapidly squinting due to the wind soaking into them. 

Dream cleared his throat and pointed his eyes towards Tommy.  
"To be honest Tommy, I don't blame them," he mumbled. It was obvious he was smirking. The alteration in his voice clarified it all.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean dickhead?" Tommy screeched in his basic childish attitude. Dream snickered at him and turned his eyes back to the camp-fire. Without hesitation, Tommy stepped in front of him desperate to receive answers.  
"What do you want me to say? Dream said angrily. "I tried Tommy I swear, but nobody wants to see you". 

Tommy backed down and decided to settle next to dream. His elbows were resting against his knees and his head was sat in his hands. 

Tommy mumbled to himself causing Dream to look over at him.  
"Guess I've fucked up big time then, haven't I?" Tommy asked. Dream reluctantly nodded before looking away from Tommy, who's heart had now been crushed. 

"Hey, " Dream began, standing up and putting his hand on Tommy's shoulder. "it's okay you know, you've got me." Dream said. His voice  
was reassuring yet discouraging. "I'm your friend." he continued. Tommy looked back up at him as if to say, thank you.

"I guess I just, " Tommy let out before taking a deep breath, "I guess I just thought everyone would still want to see me, ". 

Tommy expected Dream to say something but he received nothing. Dream just stood there in silence with nothing to say.

"Dream-?" Tommy went to ask before getting rudely interrupted.  
"Stop talking Tommy."  
Tommy's eyes widened, scared of Dream being so scarily angry all of a sudden.  
"You complain about everyone not wanting to see you, yet you never fucking shut up" Dream continued. 

Tommy sat there in silence. Now overthinking if that's what Tubbo felt. Was he too disturbing? He knew he spoke too much and he was certainly noisy but... was it worth getting exiled?

"You're right, " Tommy conceded. Dream looked upon him and chuckled.  
"I know I am Tommy, that's what friends are for".

Tommy still didn't know if he could trust Dream as his friend. But he seemed to be the only person who was willingly open and honest towards him. Dream didn't care about hurting his feelings, and maybe he needed a little integrity. After getting deceived by his best friend Tommy could truly trust no-one, so what was the harm in having Dream as his friend?

"I understand how you feel Tommy-" Dream explained before getting stopped by an irritated Tommy.  
"No you don't, how would you ever understand how I'm feeling," Tommy shouted at him. 

"Okay, okay fine. I don't know how you're feeling. But you've got to understand that this is what's best. Tubbo needed you gone so he could work on L'manberg, and now he's free to do whatever he likes without your childish attitude being in the way. You prevented Tubbo from doing amazing things Tommy, this is your punishment." Dream replied.

Tommy went to shout back at him, but he knew it wasn't worth it. Dream was right, he did tend to get in Tubbos way even when he was told to back off. Everything that happened was Tommy's fault, and it'll continue to be.

"Im sorry Dream" Tommy gave in.  
"What?" Dream replied. 

Dream was surprised he got an apology out of him. Tommy rarely said sorry, and if he did it was only towards Tubbo. 

"I'm sorry that you're forced to visit me every day, " Tommy explained. "You shouldn't have to waste your time on me."  
"I don't waste my time on you, you need to be supervised either way" Dream replied.

"What?" Tommy said. "What do you mean supervised?".  
Dream cleared his throat. "To make sure you're not doing anything stupid"  
"So..." Tommy said. "You're not here to be my friend? You're not here because you want to be?" 

Tommy realised earlier on he had fucked up. But if even Dream was told to regulate him, then he must've been worse than he expected himself to be. 

"I would be here regardless Tommy, even if it is just to watch over you"  
Tommy had felt worse today than he had ever felt in his life.


	6. ranboo.

Recently Tubbo had found it difficult to fall asleep. Most nights he would lie awake and stare at his ceiling. Questioning every word he had spoken, every move he had made. He would criticize himself up until his thoughts filled his lungs, and he'd suffocate. 

The feeling of suffocation. Needing to breathe but remembering you can't. Pushing yourself, attempting to receive your last gulp of oxygen. 

It felt like running through an empty flower field or dancing in the pouring rain.

It was an unusual sentiment. It felt so unbelievably guilty, yet so free and relieving. 

The feeling encouraged Tubbo to live on and to wait till the bad moments came to an end. Everything happens for a reason, right? 

But no matter how free Tubbo felt, the feeling never lasted for long. Because at one point he is reminded of Tommy, and his heart breaks again. Even now, even still. 

-

"Hello Tubbo"  
"Jesus fucking christ" Tubbo jumped out of bed throwing his duvet at the tall dainty figure standing in front of him. 

"Oh, my, I'm sorry Tubbo, I didn't mean to frighten you" The soft voice spoke up. "I didn't realise you were asleep".

Tubbo's eyes adapted to the harsh light. The tall man in front of him kindly held out a loaf of bread, indicating for Tubbo to take it.

"Oh, ranboo, it's okay, you just scared me, that's all," Tubbo said, taking the bread out of Ranboo's hands.

Ranboo was like an angel, he was friendly to everyone no matter what. He would put others before himself, he believed the health of his friends was more important than his own. It was his top priority to check up on everyone's health and to make sure they were okay. 

He had been staying with Tubbo ever since Tommy got exiled. The two of them got on rather well even though Tubbo hardly attempted to communicate. 

-

Ranboo and Tubbo had known each other for a reasonable amount of time. Both of them had been taken into the same family when they were young. 

The family consisted of a group of six. Their dad, Phil, and three other brothers. Techno, Wilbur and Tommy. 

At a young age, Ranboo was particularly close to Techno, while Tubbo and Tommy we're close to Will. 

He found it difficult being so close to Tubbo at times. He hated being reminded of his childhood. Not necessarily because he hated it, but because he missed it. So much. 

-

Ranboo had strived multiple times to cheer Tubbo up, but he constantly got told to "go away" or to "talk later". No matter how much it pained Ranboo to see his friend sad, he stayed strong. For him. 

"How are you today?" He said awkwardly. Ranboo wasn't much of a speaker, he stayed silent in big events and never got involved in any drama. The thought of him having to pick a side between two people, enemies or not, made him sick to his stomach. 

"Same old, same old" Tubbo replied before sitting up and stretching.  
"Oh, that's good then? I hope" Ranboo mumbled, reassuring himself. 

He hated the thought that maybe Tubbo wasn't feeling any better. Tommy leaving had ruined him. Tubbo wasn't the same without him, they completed each other. 

As Tubbo slowly got up, Ranboo couldn't help but notice the compass was still hung around Tubbos neck. Those compasses were unusually heavy and Ranboo wasn't sure how to feel about it. 

"Hey erm Tubbo, you shouldn't sleep with that around you're neck, it's dangerous, " He told him. It was clear to Tubbo how concerned Ranboo was about him, it made him the slightest ounce more happier. 

"I guess I never really thought about that, " Tubbo replied chuckling to himself. He stuttered in the struggle of not knowing what to say. "Honestly Ranboo, I can't sleep without it" He dragged on, "it's like I need to know he's alright at all times, or it'll drive me mad." 

The exile of his best friend had gotten too Tubbo. Ranboo had seen him sad before, but not like this. 

Ranboo cleared his throat. The silence in the room was so loud.  
"I understand. Just be careful." He replied, a worried smile planted across his face. 

"Look, if it'll make you feel better, I'll take it off when I go to sleep. Just have it next to me or something." Tubbo stated. Ranboo silently nodded in agreement. He didn't want to bother his friend too much, it was difficult enough just to talk to him. 

After a couple seconds of awkward silence Tubbo shot up.  
"Come downstairs with me then" Tubbo pleaded. "I'm so hungry". 

The both wandered down the stairs, Tubbo rubbed in hands together in excitement with a small grin on his face. He hadn't properly eaten in days, and for once he was motivated enough to eat something. 

He sat at the table while Ranboo reached into the cupboard and brought out a bowl for him.

"What cereal?" Ranboo asked holding up two different types of cereal.  
"Cornflakes obviously, don't forget the sugar please." 

Ranboo sat the bowl down in front of Tubbo. He hesitantly pulled out another chair from underneath the table, not knowing if he was allowed to sit. 

"You want anything to eat?" Tubbo mumbled with a mouthful of cereal falling out of his mouth.  
"Um, no I'm okay, thank you" Ranboo stuttered. Tubbo broadened his eyes and glanced at him as if to ask if he was certain, Ranboo ridiculously nodded back at him. 

They both awkwardly sat in silence. Tubbo would look up at him every now and again.  
"It's so quiet" Tubbo chuckled. 

"Silence" Ranboo said softly.  
"Huh?" Tubbo replied, his spoon clashed with the side of his bowl causing the sound vibrations in which Ranboo winced. 

"Silence, I don't like it" He proceeded. "It's so loud that you can't even hear it." Tubbo looked at Ranboo in genuine concern.  
"It wouldn't matter how loud I try to be, compared to it I'm still just a tiny whisper."  
"What are you trying to tell me?" Tubbo asked him, now looking at him straight on.  
"People can hear me. They just choose not to." He finished. 

Ranboo stared at Tubbo. Not once in his life had he ever opened up to anyone before. Ranboo was the type of person to write his feelings and thoughts down instead of speaking them out loud. 

"Are you okay man?" Tubbo said.  
"Yes." Ranboo replied, not giving Tubbo the chance to say anything more. He didn't want the conversation to carry on, he hated it. 

"It's okay if you're not, I'm not either," Tubbo told him attempting to make him feel better. 

The fear of his friend dealing with pain grew in Ranboo's mind. He didn't want Tubbo to be hurting, all he hoped for was for Tubbo to return to his happy, cheerful self. 

"Look, I know we weren't that close growing up but I care about you" Tubbo said. "I'm sorry I don't talk to you that much, to be honest with you I don't know how" 

Ranboo felt a sense of relief. As if a sack of weights had been lifted on his back. He had longed an explanation to Tubbo's silent treatment. 

"It's okay. I understand, I just want to be here for you." He replied, not trying to sound too needy. 

Before Ranboo had the time to say anything else Tubbos hands flew around him.  
"Thank you" Tubbo whispered. "Honestly, thank you so much" Tubbo's arms were clenched around him so tightly that Ranboo didn't attempt to escape it.


End file.
